you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Still dying that you shit outside
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
