Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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