he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
