Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I am available for nakedness
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
