Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
