I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
