he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
