He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
