8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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