How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
