Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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