I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
