I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
