Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
