I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
