dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
