U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I need to sanitize my soul.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
