Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Randomize
