I got chris browned last night
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
