I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
