the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
