So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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