Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
