I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
