you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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