does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
