Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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