honey bunches of taint.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
