It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I have fence marks all over my body
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
