I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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