Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
