I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
