So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
