I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize