If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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