i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
