i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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