I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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