This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
