And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Do vagina's smell?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
