My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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