I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
