thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
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