Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
