i just had sex bonerless
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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