Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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