i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Randomize
