I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
