I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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