it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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