im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heâ€™s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha