Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
