Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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