This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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