Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
