he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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