I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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