Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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