i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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