even my farts smell like vagina
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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