i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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