I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
