i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
