Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
