is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I cut my penus on the lid.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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