I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
