It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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