I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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