I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
