i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
