you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
