we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
