how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick