I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it