I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
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it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
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Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.