I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
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people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
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I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"