And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
smell my finger.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.