If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
