ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
