i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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