Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
