I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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