And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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