Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
where are you?
Hypothermia
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Two words: blizzard sex
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
