Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
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My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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