Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
